Upgrade Your Communication

August 23, 2010 – 8:09 pm

The Foundation of Communication
Communication is a huge issue in marriage. It is the first point of contact when we initially meet and it provides the foundation for relational growth. Because it is so important as a foundation, there are some things we need to remember.

First of all, a wise master builder never overbuilds on a foundation. You simply cannot establish a superstructure on a foundation that is either too small, too thin or too weak. Likewise, your marriage cannot grow beyond the foundation of communication.

Regardless of how long you’ve been married, communication can never become a secondary issue. In other words sex, money, children, houses or any other feature in marriage cannot take the place of communication as the primary base of your marriage.

Over the years, I’ve counseled many couples with seemingly everything going for them, but they are miserable. Regardless of what the issue may be that is creating their present crisis, in many cases the root issue is lack of communication.

When you have a house with foundation problems, the problems are typically more visible in other areas than with the foundation. Cracks in the walls, doors that won’t close and loose flooring are merely symptoms of the real problem. You can patch and fix all you want, but you’re just going to have to keep doing it until you fix the foundation.

It is the same in marriage. When you have communication problems, it shows up in every other area. For example, when you’re not communicating you begin fighting about money, the kids, and other things. Also, it has a significant impact on your sex life. This is especially true for women.

Communication takes time and energy. Regardless of how busy you are or what sacrifices you have to make, take time to talk. Many years ago when this was a big issue for Karen and me we took time after we put the kids to bed to sit face-to-face and talk. It transformed our marriage on every level.

We have never stopped. We talk a lot every day and we love it. It is the basis for everything we do in our marriage. It really never gets more complicated than that.

If you’ve become lazy in communicating, get to work and realize the importance of this issue. If your spouse seems unwilling to talk, do your part and make communicating with you something they want to do. Apologize to them if you’ve done something that has caused them to turn away from you.

Communication is the foundation of marriage. The more you learn to communicate, the stronger your marriage will be and the higher it can go. Make disciplines in your marriage that aren’t dependant upon emotions or convenience. Walking together in the mornings or evenings, turning the television off and talking about your day, laying in bed and talking and praying before you go to bed—all of these are just examples of things you can do everyday to keep the foundation of your marriage strong.

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